Why Friendship Matters

The fall season is my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving brings friends and families together and is a reminder of the value and importance of friendship. I have been blessed with many dear friends over the years and all of them play a very important role in my life.

"The favorite childhood memories of many adults involve friends. In a sense, friendship is what childhood is all about." In Work and Family Life, Eileen Kennedy-Moore describes the importance of helping children develop friendships.

"Friendships are not only a source of fun, they help kids grow in meaningful ways," she wrote. "They create a sense of belonging through shared interests. Friendships can provide acceptance and help children feel good about themselves. Having friends also makes it easier for kids to tolerate stress and encourages them to go beyond their own self-interest. Caring about a friend, or just wanting to play with that friend, can temper selfish urges and open the way for negotiation, compromise and even generosity."

There is much thinking and problem solving involved in forming and holding onto friendships. In an article "Friendship in the Lives of Young Children and Their Teachers," Carolyn Edwards shares her observation about friendships.

Just think about the issues that even young children have to resolve: When they are new to a classroom, they have to figure out how to behave until they have a friend. When someone approaches, they have to work out how to engage that other child. Each day, they are building up a picture of them—what makes people tick, what causes a relationship to run smoothly or turn sour. That information is the engine for all later learning because it is the source of self-esteem, trust and interest in other people.

As teachers and school directors, we know how to ask probing questions about what makes blocks balance or rocks sink, so why not invite children to inquire into their social world? Why not talk to them about friendship? Why not help them examine actively what makes a friendships continue or break down?

Dede Solis is the education director at .