This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Family Rule Setting and the Gifted Child

When it comes to parenting, one of the trickiest duties we have is the creation of rules for our children.

When it comes to parenting, one of the trickiest duties we have is the creation of rules for our children. What do we limit? What chores do feel are important on a weekly basis and why? What boundaries do we set and what are we trying to teach our kids by creating them? What disciplines are we trying to instill by setting up systems that need to be obeyed and why do they matter to us? Why not invite our children in on this important process in the whole family’s life?

One of the most valuable things we can do while considering our family rules is to let our children actually partake in the rule-making process. Rather than giving them the upper hand, or showing that we reign with ours, we are actually bringing them on to an equal playing field where they begin to understand with a logical capacity why we need to set up the rules we do. Think about it; all of these considerations can instill a family meeting with rich hours of dialogue, understanding and a feeling of “we’re all in this together.”

For the gifted child, this co-creative process can lend benefits that become mutually affirming for the whole clan.  Oftentimes equipped with a naturally intellectual grasp of the underlying need for systems as well as a comfortable dependence on their own internal operating systems, these kids tend to understand the roles of action and consequence when laid on the table. I am not suggesting they be allowed to set the rules but that they have an active part in your formulating of the rules and the dialogue around each about how to incorporate them into the home. It’s only logical that people tend to comply with rules when they clearly see the need for them. By participating in this, your children will learn the value of limits and how to eventually set their own.

Find out what's happening in Malibuwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

It’s also important to review boundaries within your family’s rules often. For example, after your child attends a sleepover or play date, it’s sometimes necessary to remind your children that your family has its own rules for its own reasons. Maybe they are allowed fewer sweets than their friends or are allowed to go bed later at the home of another family. It’s wise to discuss why you do things differently and refresh their memory about why you set the rules your way in the first place.

Lastly, when dealing with rule setting for the gifted child, remember to accommodate their asynchronous development with the terms being laid before them. Some gifted children may exhibit a high intellectual capacity for their age yet a lower social capacity or a higher maturity level for their age mixed with the physical acuity of a much younger child. The rules for your particular family may differ vary from those of other more traditional families because of this and it’s important for your children to understand the “why” of these rules should the case of comparison ever come up in the child’s life.

Find out what's happening in Malibuwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Dr. Dan Peters, Ph.D., is co-founder of the Summit Center, which provides psychological and educational assessments and counseling for children and adolescents, specializing in the gifted, creative, and twice-exceptional.

 

 

 

 

 



We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?