Blog: Hysterical 5MINUTE DRIVE with writer Ethan Lawrence and the 2013 Porsche Cayenne GTS [Video]

What is a car for? Really, have you even asked yourself why you would ever spend so much money on such a thing when you can get another really cheap that more or less does the same thing by getting you there?

Why? Because it isn’t about getting you there. It’s about the “experience” of getting you there. (Watch the episode of 5MINUTE DRIVE and you’ll see what I mean!) You could literally express very easily the difference between getting somewhere in an old Toyota and getting there in a Bentley. Same deal. They both get you there, but one makes you feel different. So… it’s about the feel. The emotion. What’s goin’ on inside that’s important.

I took my brother Ethan for a spin in this car, and as you’ll see from the episode, it spawned all kinds of wacky discussion. A pretty hysterical drive, even down to the color of the seatbelts.

When the guys at Porsche asked me to experience the Cayenne, I immediately got excited. Feeling #1. The idea that a sports car manufacturer makes a race-inspired SUV is intriguing, but will this car give me the same feeling that I get from the 911s? And to ensure that my feeling was heightened, the car came as a red GTS. A naturally aspirated beast that pumps 420hp from your foot to the ground, sending this dizzy acceleration addict into an elated gurgling smile.

Then, with the idea of touring this puppy long distance to Sedona and The Grand Canyon (the ultimate road trip), made me even ditzier. It became an elongated emotional experience. So, I grabbed two of my best pals, Fireball Pop and Bride of Fireball from Malibu and we headed to Sedona in Arizona. (See the full trip experience HERE). But a spicy red Cayenne in the red rocks of Sedona was the anticipation of Feeling #2.

The Cayenne GTS is a true Porsche. Its gutteral growl will point that out. Its track ready stance will prove it. Its comfort and bolster-perfect seats will cushion your sides like the bear of a Dad we’ve all wanted, not to mention the cozy seat heaters. On curves, it acts like a 911… or at least it dreams of being one and tries really hard at it. It’s the bigger brother that wants to get out and play with the rest, even though… well, he’s bigger.

The coolest aspect was the cruise control. See details about that in the linked posts above. Way out awesome.

SUVs are normally used for comfort and transport. Haulers of luxuriants. (Is that even a word?) Kids, dogs, stuff to the max. But the Cayenne doesn’t know this. It doesn’t realize it’s an SUV and actually thinks it’s a sports car. I for one won’t be the dood that tells it the truth. Act as if, and so you shall be. So, who’s to say that it isn’t a sports car? I’m not gonna ruin this baby’s dreams of wasting Ferraris.

The answer to everything lies within. How something makes you feel is an effect. The true cause… is your desire to feel that way. The 2013 Porsche Cayenne GTS exudes a piercing excitement and doesn’t skimp on giving you the goods if you let it. But, as I said, it thinks it’s a sports car so be prepared to have the dung scared out of you. This car can and WILL do that.

A car is meant to be fun. Fun to experience. No different than the ones we used to play with as a kid. Pretending to drive in between the rocks and through the trees.

Nothing has changed for me except that the rocks in Sedona were a bit bigger. Oh, and the fun is bigger, too. Way BIGGER. If you’re willing and able, this pulse pounding red rocket will launch you into the stratosphere of car magma. And you’ll get the silliest smile on your face… and the only reason a cop WON’T give you a ticket is that your funny look will infect him. Then he’ll be into Porsches, too.

Now no one is safe now…