Gun Rights for the Mentally Ill

A satirical look at current events!

Gun Rights for the Mentally Ill:  Despite strong reaction to the Sandy Hook killings, many states are increasingly restoring the right to carry firearms to people who had previously lost that right due to a mental illness.  Lawmakers say the legislation is necessary so as not to leave our nation’s mentally ill defenseless against a better-equipped, well-armed, imaginary enemy.

Irish County Approves Drunk Driving Permits:  The Kerry County Council in southwest Ireland has passed a controversial measure allowing special permits for driving in sparsely populated areas while intoxicated.  Good grief, some communities will do almost anything to attract Hollywood celebrities. 

Narcolepsy Linked to Vaccine:  An estimated 800 children in Europe have reportedly developed the sleep disorder narcolepsy after receiving a vaccination for swine flu.  Statistics show that kids stricken with an illness such as narcolepsy really have very few career options open to them other than air traffic controller. 

Bat Lovemaking:  Scientists have discovered that female Chinese fruit bats add oral sex in an attempt to get the males to prolong the act, suggesting the behavior confers evolutionary benefits.  I could be wrong, but I’m guessing that the benefits aren’t simply limited to evolution.


Beyoncé Lip-Synced National Anthem:  Scandal is rocking Washington as The Times of London reported that Beyoncé lip-syncing “The Star Spangled Banner” at the recent presidential inauguration.  Lance Armstrong says its almost enough to make you lose faith in people.

Sheryl Crow May Have Know About Armstrong Doping:  Its being reported that singer Sheryl Crow may very well have known about Lance Armstrong’s steroid use during the time that they were dating.  So that’s what her song “Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man” is all about?

Study Says Car Crashes More Deadly for Obese:  A new study suggests that obesity increases the risk of death during car crashes.  So remember, friends don’t let friends drive fat.

Ohio Has 86-Car Pileup:  CBS Is reporting a terrible accident that occurred in Cincinnati over the weekend that involved at least 86 cars.  Officials admit that in hindsight, it may not have been the smartest idea put Lindsay Lohan in charge of the state’s driver eduction program after all.


This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

arnold January 25, 2013 at 03:40 PM
What a moron you are. All the news thats "NOT fit to print". Malibu's own little PRAVDA. You should be proud.
Johnny Robish January 25, 2013 at 05:45 PM
I have no idea what you are talking about "Comrade Arnold."


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