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UCLA Study Says Fat Genes Determine Obesity

A satirical look at current events!

UCLA Study Says Fat Genes Determine Obesity:  According to researchers at UCLA, while diet and exercise are still large factors in obesity, the degree to which one gains weight from a high-fat diet is largely determined by your genes.  So next time your lady asks “do these genes make me look fat,” tell her “yes and I have the studies to back it all up.” 

Counterfeit Exercise Equipment from China:  Los Angeles prosecutors report that a man has been sentenced to jail for bringing more than 2,000 counterfeit, Chinese-made Ab Circle Pro machines into the United States to sell.  City officials warn consumers that any pounds or inches lost using bogus equipment will not count.

Kanye & Kim Purchase $11M House:  Expectant parents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have just purchased a 10,000-square-foot $11 million mega-mansion located in a gated community in Bel Air.  In response to critics, the couple says they’d love to tackle issues such as global warming and world hunger, but finding the perfect furnishings for a huge mansion, attending to a massive fleet of expensive cars as well as finding that perfect $3200 polo shirt leave very little time for those type of activities.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com 

Antidepressants Help Treat Hot Flashes:  A new clinical trial shows that antidepressant medications appear to be an effective alternative for women whose lives are disrupted by frequent hot flashes.  Doctors say the beauty of it all is that even if the drugs don’t get rid of your hot flashes, at least you won’t be depressed about it. 

Florida Woman Drags Ex-Husband Behind Truck:  A 61-year-old Florida woman, with the aid of two friends, first shocked her ex-husband with a stun gun, tied him up, cut off a big lock of his hair and then dragged him half a mile behind a pickup truck before he was able to escape.  Its almost enough to make you think she was upset about something.

New Study on Aneurysm Risks:  New research suggests that if you have a brain aneurysm, drinking coffee, having sex or even getting angry may boost the risk of it rupturing.  So let me get this straight.  If I’m one of those people at risk for an aneurysm and my doctor insists I give up coffee and sex, I can’t even get angry about it?

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Brazil Prostitutes Learn English To Prepare For Major Soccer Events:  Prostitutes in one of Brazil's biggest cities are beginning to sign up for free English classes being offered ahead of this year's Confederations Cup and the 2014 World Cup.  And its a good thing too, in light of the fact that no English speaking countries are offering free Portuguese classes for the johns.

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JamieDixon May 21, 2013 at 04:19 pm
Sulah cat, My posts have demonstrated my belief that the “Malibu Lagoon RestorationRead More Project” is a name that may have been created in order to mislead people into thinking it that the project would be a worthwhile public expense. The idea of restoring the Lagoon isn’t necessarily a bad idea. That being said, I believe the money spent to alter the Lagoon could have been spent in many other ways that would have served the public better. Why do you attack me personally? First, you say I’m not a car guy and then you accuse me being into flat head Fords? Fords, really? Sincerely yours,
Sulah cat May 21, 2013 at 03:20 pm
Jamie. Here are a couple of words you might want to look up as they apply to you. Ignorant andRead More Puerile. Guess one can't expect too much from somebody into lead sleds and flat head Fords. Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur.
JamieDixon May 21, 2013 at 01:55 pm
Do you mean the Malibu Lagoon Restoration Project could have been named "Malibu Lagoon RenewalRead More Project"? Renewal? Let me look that up. re·new·al (ri-noo-el) n. 1. The act of renewing or the state of having been renewed. 2. Something renewed. I better look up renew. re·new (ri-noo) v. re·newed, re·new·ing, re·news v.tr. 1. To make new or as if new again; restore: renewed the antique chair. 2. To take up again; resume: renew an old friendship; renewed the argument. 3. To repeat so as to reaffirm: renew a promise. 4. To regain or restore the physical or mental vigor of; revive: I renewed my spirits in the country air. 5. a. To arrange for the extension of: renew a contract; renew a magazine subscription. b. To arrange to extend the loan of: renewed the library books before they were overdue. 6. To replenish: renewed the water in the humidifier. 7. To bring into being again; reestablish. Nope. "Malibu Lagoon Renewal Project" isn't right, either.
Max May 21, 2013 at 10:22 am
Your worst nightmare scenario: I predict that you’d experience brain freeze if you wereRead More having a procedure right here in Malibu at your friendly gastroenterologist’s place just as a smoke alarm went off in his office. You’d be a real quandary, namely, “When, what, where and how to evacuate?” In this case, the Santa Ana winds would blow from inside, as well as outside, the doctor’s office, in which case, both you and the good doc would evacuate pell-mell (or, should I say, pell-smell?). In anticipation of this high-pressure scenario, perhaps it’s in your best interest to hop onto the I-80 and (re) evacuate the 2831.67 miles back East, from whence you came, to avoid this potential sensory overload occurrence. In the meantime, should we get hit with another fire (G-d forbid), our Firefighter heroes, upon entering your home, would exclaim on their megaphone, "OK everyone, if you follow my commands and remain calm, everyone will be safe. Therefore, in accordance with International Red Cross protocol and common-sense guidelines, please make way for Burt, the children, the woman, the elderly and, finally, able-bodied men, to evacuate, in that order!"
David Armstead May 20, 2013 at 01:26 pm
the People of Malibu better wake up! this issue with Paradise Cove is only going to get worse. TheRead More city and Paradise Cove are working on an expansion of the parking there. See the link to a recent meeting at the city that is the beginning of Paradise coves expansion. It is very quiet and no one knows but look at the plan. Currently Paradise Cove does not have the proper Zoning to be doing what they do down there. The city thinks by letting them expand that it will get people off the highway so they are in favor but in reality it only puts more money into the pockets of Paradise Cove and people will still park on PCH and Paradise Cove will continue to sends drunks out onto the road to endanger all of us. Speak up! http://www.malibucity.org/download/index.cfm/fuseaction/download/cid/20457/
webecool May 20, 2013 at 03:26 pm
I ate lunch Friday at the Adamson House lawn and nearly 'chuncked out' with the smell of sewage.Read More Uggggg! It was worse than the biggest sewage spill that Paradise Cove ever had in the 15 years living there. I'm not a scientist like everyone else who has been arguing about this project but I know the smell of 8hit when I smell it. Something is seriously wrong. I am a mechanical engineer and it seems to me that all the scientists and smart designers have not taken into account any fluid dynamics. Water flows in, water flows out....water flows through. How hard is that? It seems to me they have designed what is called turbulence!
steve dunn May 19, 2013 at 04:43 pm
All I get on this blog is an ad for verizon
Jessica E. Davis (Editor) May 17, 2013 at 03:51 pm
Love that you are using the message board to ask this question. Does any one have any ideas?
M Stanley May 16, 2013 at 01:33 pm
Thank you for the information Jessica!
Jessica E. Davis (Editor) May 15, 2013 at 05:54 pm
Also, first make sure you are signed in, and if you can't go to the reset password link here:Read More http://malibu.patch.com/forgot_password.
Max May 15, 2013 at 11:03 am
Dear Phil (re: Burt's column), I can’t quite put my finger on it, but, I sense anRead More Eggs-itential undertone to all this. Does the chicken Egg-ist on behalf of the egg or vice versa? Eggs-perience will reveal the truth. To be complete, I must rehash Camus’ “The Play-egg.” Yet, as I recall, in the Book of Eggs-odous, there wasn’t a single Play-egg, but ten of them… so many, in fact, that it seems to many readers to be literally a Dozen Play-eggs. But, then again, I’m not very religious. In fact, many of my colleagues take me for an Egg-nostic. But, they are such Hard-boiled fanatics, that, in fact, their peers surmise they boarder on Egg-lectic. But, as Burt always says in da ‘hood, “Om-letting them be what they want to be.” We, however, have one on Burt: Rumor has it that he fell of the Vegan and had an egg salad… to which he Eggs-claims, “It was a serving of ‘Egg Beaters,’ you Egg-Heads!!”
Jessica E. Davis (Editor) May 14, 2013 at 10:27 pm
From my family: McCluckens
Susan Tellem May 14, 2013 at 07:35 pm
Call them Nuggets, Fricassee, Kiev, Marsala and Enchilada because that's what chickens end up as onRead More the dinner plate. Just sayin'.
TheDr. May 2, 2013 at 11:26 pm
But autumn in old town around Farmington Rd and Grand River is nice as is the season anywhere inRead More Michigan..I love California and the years I lived there.
J. Flo April 27, 2013 at 02:21 am
May Malibu residents, businesses and our City ALWAYS have the foresight and passion to remember andRead More protect > "Malibu was a place I went to with friends to hang out at the beach. But the last few years, its become a place I often go to by myself as a little escape zone. Whenever I have need to clear by head and level my shoulders, I head out to Malibu for a little mini-vacation. Whenever, like Ishmael, it feels like a damp, drizzly November in my soul, I fire up my 1965 Chevelle Malibu Super Sport and go see the watery part of the world." Amen.
Darcy Miller April 27, 2013 at 12:43 am
I'm from Farmington, MI and I live in Calabasas now, off Mulholland Highway, for the same reason.Read More Beauty all around...
Sulah cat May 16, 2013 at 03:18 pm
MT-------still engaging in blatant hyperbole. Aldo Leopold van de Hoeck is not! Jacques, thanksRead More for the offer but no thanks. You'll just have to do it yourself. It's difficult to respond to a remark that has no sense. Puuuuuuuuuuur
Jacques Mehoff May 3, 2013 at 07:30 pm
I don't know why Sulah Cat would talk about CeCe in such a way, I thought they were friends......
Jessica E. Davis (Editor) May 3, 2013 at 07:24 pm
Thanks all for the love. I think I learned my lesson about taking time off though! It's been a busyRead More week back.
J. Flo April 10, 2013 at 12:51 am
We also use Havahart traps. They are gentle and humane, we can easily transport the little crittersRead More away from our population. We've done this successfully at least 20 times! Shared them with countless Malibu friends who've also successfully and humanely cured their rodent issues.
Maureen Haldeman April 9, 2013 at 02:29 pm
Many complain but do nothing more ... and it is only by action that something gets accomplished. IRead More applaud The Malibu Agricultural Society for persevering on this critical issue and thank the local businesses that removed the rat poison from their shelves. We really can all make a difference. Thank you!
Cece Stein April 9, 2013 at 01:56 pm
Dittos Kian Well said and thanks for your compassion .
J. Flo April 30, 2013 at 02:44 pm
"Although a great many women had entered the men’s room, not a single one emerged."Read More I just choked on my coffee. This might be the funniest thing I've ever read . . .