I am about to give you advice that might very well save your life, and I trust you will be eternally grateful. Here it is! Do not under any circumstance eat a live scorpion or tarantula even if they are not poisonous. Don’t even think about it!
Now most of you probably weren’t contemplating the consumption of a live insect in the first place, but apparently there are a few of you so bored with life’s monotony you are ready to try anything including the consumption of live insects.
The eating of live insects in this country is apparently on the rise. Recently 30 contestants in Florida (all is not well in the Sunshine State) shoveled down live bugs with fatal results for the so-called winner who died shortly thereafter by asphyxiating on the gastric contents of live cockroaches. Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m not making this stuff up—just reporting.
Ben Siegel, the owner of the reptile store which ran the contest, explained his roaches were tame not wild which from my perspective somehow misses the point by a country mile. We all know money will motivate people to do insane things, but the prize in this instance was not money at all, but rather a female python. I for one can guarantee you I will never approach a python close enough to determine gender, but regardless of sex, is a python worth dying for? If you are not sure of the answer, stop reading this column immediately. You are beyond my powers to help.
Lou Manza, a psychology professor at Lebanon Valley College, explains this growing phenomenon of people doing extreme things like eating bugs as “looking for things to make life interesting.” The professor continues, “At a certain level we’re all looking for things to break up the monotony. We’re striving for something that gives life meaning, something beyond the ordinary. The older you get, you start looking for something else.”
Hey Professor, please don’t speak for me. I am not suffering from monotony and a little boredom never hurt. My life is interesting enough and has meaning which I will disclose to you as soon as I discover it. I am not looking for something else, and if I were, it certainly wouldn’t be a bowl of roaches. For those of you who are bored, try a bowl of cherries, because somebody once told me “Life is a bowl of cherries.”