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Burt's Eye View: No Longer a Rookie

I am no longer a rookie in Malibu, although I’m not a veteran either. One year does not make for a veteran.

I will lose my Malibu rookie status this coming Saturday, Jan. 19 which marks the one year anniversary of my moving to Malibu. I will hopefully remain here for years to come. I am no longer a rookie, although I’m not a veteran either.  One year does not make for a veteran.     

So what have I learned in a year? Quite a lot if the truth be told. I am going to list some of the many important facts I have learned, and even though you have probably known most of these facts for years, I still feel very proud of myself for mastering the basics:  

1) Santa Barbara is to the North; San Diego is to the South; Las Vegas is to the East; and God only knows what is to the West.  

2) Coyotes can make a racket at night.  

3) Cyn stands for Canyon.  

4) The sun can rise over the Pacific Ocean in Malibu and does.  

5) There is no NFL team in LA.  

6) LA does have a song.  

7) If you pick up a scorpion you are stupid. I am stupid.  

8)  Guacamole comes from the avocado. I never gave it much thought until I had an avocado tree.  

9) Firemen are more revered than doctors. A doctor can’t save you from being roasted like a marshmallow.  

10) People in Malibu really do care about their wine. I am a novice but don’t mind putting my schnoz in the glass and taking a whiff once in awhile.  

11) Many people here are in the entertainment business one way or the other. Tip your waiter handsomely because he might win an Oscar next year.  

12) Contrary to popular belief, everybody in Malibu is not rich and that’s a good thing.  

13) Motorcyclists are allowed to drive between traffic lanes. Try that back East and you are toast.  

14) Students at Pepperdine actually do school work. If I had gone there I would have spent all my time looking out the window and would never have graduated.  

15) A lot of restaurants have closed lately. We might have to start eating home once in a while.  

16) The Optimists make delicious pancakes, and the Methodists bake scrumptious pies.  

17) Avoid the 405 at all costs. I would rather have root canal work done than venture onto the 405.  

18) No place in Malibu requires you to wear a jacket and a tie. I would rather have root canal work done than wear a jacket or a tie.    

19)  Malibu High School  students are known as “The Sharks” which is more than enough to keep me out of the ocean.  

20) And finally, being laid back is excellent preparation for being laid out.

Max January 15, 2013 at 07:18 PM
You are truly a politically correct man, Burt. A few additional tidbits, some serious; some not: 1. Road rage exists everywhere; from SUVs in parking lots to waiting in line with your power ranger shopping cart. 2a. Parents seem to allow their kids (and themselves) to litter our beautiful baseball fields without concern for cleanliness, health hazards for the wildlife, etc. Examples: plastic bottles, peanut shells, candy wrappers, hot dog buns, …. 2b. People leave trash and leftovers on outdoor tables. Granted, the food establishments clean up the mess, but, it’s amazing how sloppy and careless people can be. 3. The city seems to favor large dogs over small dogs. Case in point: the Trancas Dog Park, which lacks a simple fence to partition the existing area. 4. If the city budgets for litigation and road maintenance were switched, our city would be much more friendly and the roadways immaculate. 5. Many people do not appreciate how beautiful our Legacy Park is. On the other hand, most birds, ducks and herons are grateful for its existence (not to mention the rest of us). 6. Malibu has more per capita coffee shops than pizza and Chinese eateries. 7. More tour buses stop at the local Ralphs than they do at groceries in most other resort towns; must be our unique food choices or, perhaps, it’s our world famous parking lots. 8. One can easily identify lifetime locals by their thick Malibuian accents.
Jessica E. Davis January 15, 2013 at 08:09 PM
Glad to have you in Malibu. My one-year anniversary for arriving in Malibu is in April. This year has flown by super fast.
nancy e January 15, 2013 at 09:28 PM
Happy 1 year anniversary to Burt and Jessica! Malibu is a much better place now that you are both here!
Jessica E. Davis January 15, 2013 at 09:30 PM
Thanks Nancy!
Max January 15, 2013 at 11:42 PM
Ditto!! Happy Anniversary to both you (Jessica) and, of course, to Burt. Now, I think that the 5th year anniversary is pearl. Is the first-year anniversary patch??!!

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