It's Time For Football

I am sure I’m not the first person to ask why America’s second most populated city doesn’t have an NFL team.

Autumn is almost upon us, and it’s time for real men to ignore the family once again, to yank a beer from the frig, and to watch grown men give each other concussions. Yes, it’s time to put life behind us and to watch some NFL football.

Now that I live here in Malibu I need to reevaluate my allegiances and so I googled the LA Rams to see if that were a team worthy of my support each week. I couldn’t find such a team, but located a team called the Saint Louis Rams. I called a friend to find out what happened to the LA Rams only to be told once again that I was at least a decade or two behind the times. “You have got to be kidding. Tell me LA has an NFL team,” I shouted only to be greeted by silence.      

I am sure I’m not the first person to ask why America’s second most populated city doesn’t have an NFL team, but WHY IN HEAVEN’S NAME DOESN’T LA HAVE AN NFL TEAM? 

If you look at the nine American cities with populations over one million, other than LA only San Antonio doesn’t have an NFL team and who cares about San Antonio. New York has two teams (both located in New Jersey), Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego and Dallas all have teams.     

Quite frankly not having an NFL team is (there is no other way to describe it) shockingly un-American. If the House on un-American Activities Committee were still in existence (thank our creator it is not) then surely this would be an un-American activity worthy of their investigation. If we are not going to have a team, then we might as well just outlaw apple pie and be done with it.     

I don’t begin to understand why people in Malibu can get agitated about having a Whole Foods and not be simply distraught about not having an NFL team in easy driving distance. What is happening to this country? We are going to the dogs. What am I supposed to do on Sunday? Pretty soon somebody is going to tell me LA has a hockey team when it’s too warm here to even make ice.

Laura September 05, 2012 at 04:57 PM
Haha... That was awesome!!!!
Max September 06, 2012 at 05:03 PM
Not to worry, Mr. Football Ross. From what I see, Los Angeles must be the top city in the good ‘ol U S of A to have the most professional football teams LEAVE the City of Angels. Thus far, I have counted no less than 10 LA teams THAT HAVE LEFT LOS ANGELES: LA Buccaneers (1926); LA Wildcats (1926); LA Bulldogs (1934); LA Dons (1946); LA Rams (1946); LA Chargers (1960); LA Raiders (1982); LA Avengers (2000); LA Xtreme (2001); LA Temptations (2009)… the last entry being a women’s team. Obviously, they all left, for I haven’t seen any of these teams on the tube, and, looking skywards, the Good Year blimp is nowhere to be found. And, no sports store sells caps or jerseys (had to get a “Jersey” in this comment for old times sake) bearing their logos. As you have certainly witnessed during your stay thus far, Los Angeles is one of the most competitive and sports-minded cities in America. So, in order for us to continue to maintain such recognition and high standards (i.e., the most teams that LEFT a major city), we must continue the process of getting another team here, so that they can eventually leave also. Therefore, I predict that there will be a professional team in our midst within a few years. And, moreover, that team will leave in about 2 years after they arrive (they might even leave using the proposed high-speed rail system). Let’s keep our fingers crossed.


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