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The World is Going Bonkers

From joggling to floggling, Malibu humor columnist Burt Ross takes aim at loony current events.

I’ve got to stop reading newspapers. They’re starting to confuse fact with fiction---like the story about a man jumping 24 miles down to earth from a helium balloon. Now if that isn’t pure fantasy, what is?     

If that’s not crazy enough for you, try this one on for size. The New York Times recently wrote an article about Dr. Jack Hirschowitz, who will be running in this year’s New York City Marathon at age 67. Yes, I know there are older people running in the marathon, but Jack is the only one running the entire 26 miles while juggling three bean bags.     

Don’t even think of asking me why he runs and juggles at the same time, but Dr. Hirschowitz is a psychiatrist which probably explains everything.     

The Times reports that if our eccentric shrink finishes the marathon, and he has already finished four previous New York City Marathons, he will be the oldest person to “joggle” a marathon. This statement implies not only there are other people similarly disposed to jogging and juggling simultaneously, but there is even a word for it—“joggling.” As far as I’m concerned, it joggles my mind to visualize a human being running 26 miles while juggling.       

It is estimated there are more than 1,000 jogglers in this country alone. I would like to think this craziness hasn’t spread across our borders, but with knowledge today only a push button away, the contagion has already spread. The world’s fastest joggler is Canada’s own Michal Kapral, who described this activity as a “fringe sport for a lunatic.” No kidding!        

Right this minute there is probably some Russian practicing a new sport “floggling.” Of course, you have probably already guessed that “floggling” is running a marathon while flossing your teeth.     

And while the nuts are at it, why not run the marathon backwards while joggling and floggling. The world is going bonkers. I rest my case.

Max October 30, 2012 at 06:09 PM
This keen observation by Mr. Ross, coupled with his past election as Mayor and his recent appointment as a Judge, will assure him of fulfilling his dream: Our next President. Perhaps, the Honorable Mr. Ross should also be appointed as a guest judge for the NY Marathon. He has my endorsement. As an aside, I wonder of those bags are really filled with beans… I suspect they’re filled with nuts. Then you can say that a nut case is running the NY Marathon while juggling his nut bags (I have no idea what that implies).
nancy e October 30, 2012 at 07:24 PM
It is a crazy world we live in...thank you for making it a more humorous one!

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