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Have You Had Enough Election Robocalls Yet?

Every time the phone rings I race to answer it hoping somebody remembers me and cares whether I am still alive, but as soon as I listen to that four second pause, I know what’s coming.

Tomorrow is Election Day. You’d have to be brain dead not to know that by now. Perhaps life might return to normal once this ordeal is finally over. Wouldn’t that be nice? I might even be able to locate an invoice in the midst of all that so-called campaign “literature,” as if anybody could confuse these fliers with Shakespeare.      

Just the other day I literally got three fliers in the mail from the same candidate. Does this person really think I have the time to read all this junk mail when I am busy 24 hours a day writing for the Malibu Patch?     

The inundation has not been limited to the mail. Have you had enough robocalls yet? What I would give to get just one phone call from a live loving human being, but no, all I get are computerized driven calls which all sound alike, “Better vote for Joe the best person in the world, and don’t vote for that good for naught Mary,” or “Vote for Proposition whatever or our kids will not graduate elementary school.”    

It would be nice if I could eat a meal uninterrupted by these automated nuisances. Every time the phone rings I race to answer it hoping somebody remembers me and cares whether I am still alive, but as soon as I listen to that four second pause, I know what’s coming.     

If I had money to burn (I don’t), I would send everybody in LA County my own robocall which would sound something like this, “Hello, this is Burt Ross. You have absolute no idea who I am and that suits me just fine. I have no idea who you are and so we are even. I called just to wish you a good day. I am not endorsing any candidate or cause. Quite frankly, I don’t care whom you vote for. I just thought you might want to get a call from somebody who doesn’t have an ulterior motive. So, be well, and if I don’t speak to you again, have a Merry Xmas.”     

I think the odds of anybody getting a call like this are less than slim, but we can always hope.

Fred November 05, 2012 at 03:04 PM
The "robo calls" got to an overwhelming quantity last election . I changed my home number . They haven't called since .
Max November 05, 2012 at 06:52 PM
I found a great way to rid myself of all those flyers: I went to the Post Office and filled out a Change of Address Card: Occupant, Resident, Voter, Homeowner and City Dweller have all moved, with no forwarding addresses listed. You may, however, receive one last prerecorded message and political flyer stating, "If elected, I will outlaw all political voice mails, e-mail and flyers ... except mine. How else can I get the word out??
Max November 05, 2012 at 07:55 PM
You must be a very time-efficient individual... I was under the impression that a PIE EATING CONTEST JUDGE's job is never done!! YOU must be a ROBO-JUDGE!! It's amazing that you find the time to deal with the election, given all the Pie-Eating Contest legal issues to deal with, constitutional implications, consumer affair regulations, FDA approvals, dental records, crust recalls, steroid testing of the competitors, verification of genetically engineered pie fillers, etc. I'm initiating a Burt-for-Prez write-in campaign. May be the 11th hour, but, that's the American process!!

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